I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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