I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
