I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
