I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
