it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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