God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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