Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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