he shaved USA in his pubs
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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