Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize