Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
