Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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