NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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