you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
