she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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