Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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