I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
