I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
