New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
