Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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