I wish I could teleport
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
