just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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