Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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