Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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