its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
