i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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