On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
