i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
