you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
