The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
