That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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