Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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