If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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