I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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