question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize