people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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