Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just pee around me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
