I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
