you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
