Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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