STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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