So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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