Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
