nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
