This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
