I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
