Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
