I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize