I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
