1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
