I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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