she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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