Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
