my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize