i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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