I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
