Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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