I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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