My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
