He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
