He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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