help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just cut my nipple shaving
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
