Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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