Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
no, he came in my armpit
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
bring money and cleavage
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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