I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
