I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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